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Every few years it seems we have at least one popular version of psychopathology. In the 1990s it was Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality
Disorder) followed by ADHD (Attention-Deficit HyperactivityDisorder). In yesterday's post, I mentioned the current discussion about self-centeredness and social networking websites. This leads me to wonder if the next ten years will be something like the decade of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde's character who sold his soul in exchange for perpetual youth and beauty. But we'll call it the decade of narcissism.
Narcissists would love it, of course, for all the attention they might receive, but ironically, they couldn't enjoy it because they wouldn't realize it relates to them. As with the person about whom Carly Simon sings, "You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you," the narcissist would delight in thinking they were the reason for the song, but they'd never get the point of it.
Outward appearances notwithstanding, narcissists are plagued by a tremendous sense of inner worthlessness. It might even be argued they lack any meaningful sense of self at all. So, where do you begin to give someone a core of self-hood? Anyone who's lived with a narcissist knows first-hand, it's not a matter of giving, because they've given everything over and over, and it's never, ever enough. And how do you develop something that is so essential to life that most of us take it completely for granted, in someone who denies it's absence in the first place? How do you persuade them to face what lies within, when they've spent most of their lives trying to avoid precisely that?
It's hard for most of us to imagine what it's like, being narcissistic, because we're not. We're accustomed to feeling empathy for others, to admitting our mistakes and assuming responsibility. Because we have the inner wherewithal that enables us to be truthful, modest, and real, it's incredibly difficult to believe someone can seem so appealing on the surface and still be as empty as the hollow tree trunk that came crashing down on my power lines two days ago. Yet, they are, and it scares them to death. And they don't even realize the reason why.
(You're So Vain words and music by Carly Simon, copyright 1972)
Hey... your writing is so alive and true. I wish I could express myself as well.I had never placed the Dorian Grey personality as a narcissist, its so long since I viewed the movie I believe I would like to see it once more from a more mature understanding.. I was in a closed marriage until 49yrs and only began to wake up to life at that stage, having spent the last few years learning and learning and can't get enough! When I first began working in Mental Health my heart reached out in pain to the many afflicted. After working with them a few years I was drained and yet, I'd defend an incapable person to the dead....probably of myself. Keep writing I find it so interesting.
ReplyDeleteBlessings Crystal
Hi Crystal:
ReplyDeleteI so appreciate the encouragement! Dorian Gray is one of a couple images of narcissism -- the other one being Dracula. But Dorian, the perpetually beautiful and youthful pleasure-seeker represents the person whose existence is all about appearances. They're both fascinating ways of looking at it. Linda Leonard has a marvelous book, On the Way to the Wedding, and she talks about the vampire in one of her chapters. I'm sure it's available "down under," somewhere. :-)
It's amazing how we come alive at certain times, discovering what we've missed, and then find ourselves famished for it. I can relate so very well. :-)
Well then, how do you personally view, Dr Jeckle and Mr Hide? Will look for that book.
ReplyDeleteNow that's a good question. I'm usually inclined to take it in a Jungian fashion -- Mr. Hyde represents the repressed Shadow of Dr. Jekyll. Everything Jekyll COULD do but wouldn't because it's socially unacceptable, against his moral principles, in violation of his conscious ego, Mr. Hyde is willing and eager to do. I guess Freud would call Hyde the embodiment of the Id. But it's been a long time since I looked at this story, so I think I need to pay it a visit as well! :-)
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