Sorrow That Satisfies

My title this morning is a little odd, I agree. What on earth is satisfying about sadness and what kind of masochist would find it so? I'd ask those questions myself -- oh, I guess I just did (blush). Okay, now that I put my foot into it, what do I mean? I think sadness would be satisfying if it reflected my true feelings. If something was troubling me, if I felt like I was holding back tears, it would be satisfying to say I was sad. Does that make sense?

In the marketplace of emotions, I think sadness gets shifted to the bargain basement. I mean, when was the last time you saw a television ad for sadness? It's hard to imagine the guy who hawks the miracle scratch remover, the holds-fifty-tons glue (like I need that much holding power), or the cuts-tungsten-steel knife (I've never had a steak that tough in my life) offering sadness for $19.95 and if I act now, he'll send me two for the price of one along with a free hankie -- just pay shipping and handling.

Somewhere along the line we learn that sad is bad and happy is good, even if you have to buy yourself into bankruptcy to prove it. But there's an element of flight involved in that and I don't mean frequent flier mileage. More like flight in the sense of avoidance. The problem is, I'm addicted to reality and when it comes to emotion, I simply must have the real thing.

It's taken me a long time to get to the point of insisting on getting what I ordered instead of accepting what's put in front of me. I guess that's one advantage of life experience. Once you figure you've eaten enough corned beef sandwiches (apologies to corned beef lovers everywhere) instead of the BLT you ordered, you learn to demand to see the chef. At twenty or even thirty-something, I was either too embarrassed to say anything or I didn't know the difference. Now I'm not and I do.

What all this comes down to is I'd rather feel sad if I am than accept a cheap substitute. Sure, like anyone else with a lick of sense, I'd prefer to feel glad, joyful, cheery, upbeat, and all the other synonyms. But those feelings always come back around, just like the ice cream truck that passes my house every weekend, spring through fall. In the meantime I want to know that even if I'm sad, it's genuine. And that's satisfying.