The Clock is Ticking

How many people do you know who, when choosing spouses, took a long, hard look at their parenting potential? I'm serious. Do you know anyone who did that? I'm pretty sure I don't. I'm not sure I ever have, as a matter of fact. I know plenty who've said (after the divorce), "S/he would have made a lousy parent." Why didn't they think about that before they said "I do"?

Maybe it's because we're in love and figure we'll work out kids later. Maybe we don't know what to look for -- we had poor role models and all we know is, we don't want to repeat our parents' mistakes. Maybe we're so enamored with what s/he is like with us we can't see through the forest to the trees. Maybe we're just too darned young.

Sorry, I don't mean to drag out age once again. No, wait a minute, yes I do. Not that age means "wiser" because I know more than a few who not only missed the train, they were never on the right platform to begin with. I'm referring to experience and that's neither a part of the gene pool nor does it come attached to any diploma I've ever seen.

Spouse-picking is less about native talent than hard work. And too many of us have relied on the former when we would have been better served by the latter. "I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad," might sound good but is it really? We tell ourselves because we turned out okay, someone like our parents will be just fine for our children. A little reflection on what mom or dad was really like can puncture that balloon. This is not to say we experienced bad parenting, it's just there are times we might wish we had different parenting.

I know, the biological clock is ticking -- for all of us. Because of that, it's even more important to figure out what we're doing sooner rather than later. Subtleties are important and I've learned to look for them. It's taken longer than I would have liked, but anything worth doing, as they say, takes time.