Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Wes Craven and the Bathroom Scale

(whispering) Psst -- hey, don't tell anyone, okay? but the scale showed I've lost another half pound! See, I've been working on this for a couple months. Yeah, I put on, like, about 12.5 pounds between Thanksgiving and spring, and because I wasn't working out as much and I was sitting and studying more (yeah, I know I'm supposed to do that and I gave myself the very same excuse) the pounds kept adding up. And, because I was under more stress, I ate more chocolate and that didn't help either.

So, all of a sudden, there I was, looking at myself in the bathroom mirror (where else?) and I saw a terrible, horrible thing, worse than Wes Craven's worst nightmare on any street, including Elm. I saw my waistline expanding before my very eyes. As it did, my internal calculator went into action and my Body Mass Index (the measure of body fat compared to height and weight) suddenly looked threatening. And then something happened. I stood up straight and said to myself, "Self, you don't want to look like this anymore."

I got on the web (How do we get "on" the web, anyway? Has anyone ever really done that besides Jeff Bridges in the 80s film Tron?) and searched for a cure that was specific for my particular symptoms. I found relief in a site for Navy Seals (don't laugh -- if it's good enough for Charlie Sheen, well...).

And no, just visiting the site didn't do a darned thing, dang it, but doing the exercises consistently and reminding myself that I like this kind of pain, has. I've dropped eight and a half pounds in the past two months. I'm sleeping better, wake more refreshed, and when I look in the mirror I snear at Wes Craven.

But the best thing of all? Well, I haven't heard any wolf whistles -- at least not yet, and believe me, I'm listening for them -- I certainly have been getting more than my share of "lovely smiles" lately.

Why didn't I think of this sooner?!

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