Saturday, May 23, 2009

Tee Totalling in the Afternoon

It was a bit early in the day for beer, after all, it was only four o'clock -- in the afternoon. Most of the others had imbibed since nearly noon but he delayed, knowing what would happen once he started. "I went to a lobster (pronounced lobstah) fest last night," said a friend, "and someone had to drive me home, as usual."

His reticence for drinking didn't stem from sworn sobriety, just the simple fact that he couldn't hold his liquor. Oh, he remained socially-acceptable, unlike the heroine of the Country song, "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off," but he slurred his words and smiled stupidly. Usually, he managed to make it through half a beer before he said anything he regretted but on an empty stomach, it was anyone's guess.

He politely passed on Heineken, wistfully turned down a brown British ale, and happily said, "No thanks," to Budweiser decked out in designer labels. It was simply too early and sooner or later he'd have to drive. Later on, he'd wonder where he got his genes and which relative was having the last laugh in heaven at his expense, but for now at least, he could enjoy the company of friends without wishing a hole in the ground would open beneath his feet.

Why, yes, I did go to an end-of-the-year barbeque today. Whatever tipped you off?
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