Old Friends

Sleepy Hollow Cemetery is located in Concord, Massachusetts. It's a wonderful little place with hills and winding roads that seem to lead nowhere and everywhere at once. Aside from being a quaint New England cemetery, this is where you can find the graves of Louisa May Alcott, Henry David Thoreau, and Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Thoreau's is unremarkable: it's one of several small white stones that are about six inches on a side, located on a hilltop called Author's Ridge, each inscribed with the first name of a family member. I was surprised the first time I saw it. I guess I was expecting the author of Walden and Civil Disobedience to have more fanfare.

Louisa's is a little more notable because it has her full name. And then, there's Emerson's. In contrast to his friends', Emerson's marker is a boulder -- a pretty good sized one. I don't know whether he chose it in advance or it was chosen for him, but I like to think it was a parting joke to leave a marker no one could miss.

Anyhow, Emerson once said, "It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." I imagine that came to him while reflecting on an occasion when he'd succeeded in thoroughly embarrassing himself. Whatever the motivation, he makes a good point.

Family members are sometimes the least inclined to forgive. They have expectations, you know, and there are roles to be played. Maintaining the family structure may mean being predictable and acting consistently within your assigned or adopted role. Failure to do so can upset a lot of folks who then strive mightily to bring the black sheep back into the fold.

It's almost axiomatic that friends don't generally bring the same baggage to our relationships with them. And that's a good thing because we all need someplace in the world where we can try to figure out who we are and be that without feeling as though we're threatening the viability of the universe. I know, that sounds a little grandiose, but breaking the mold can seem like a pretty big thing and sometimes it is. And in the process, we may be "stupid" once in a while and it's nice knowing there are people who understand, empathize, forgive, and help us laugh at ourselves. Those people are friends and I'm grateful -- eternally grateful -- for those who call themselves mine.