Friday, July 23, 2010

What Women Have Taught Me (about Women)

Reading advice to men from women has always been a favorite with me. A guy can learn a lot from the opposite sex and mostly, all he has to do is ask. Be sincere, genuine, admit he hasn't got a clue, and doors open. If only getting a date were so simple.

Naturally, it's important to ask the right women and for me, that's usually meant those who seem like they're in the know. The truth is, experience counts and who better to offer advice based on it than those who've accumulated some in the first place?

It's also important how you ask because women can't be expected to be disloyal to their gender nor do they want to give away the family jewels. What I mean is, there are some things they're simply not going to tell you, no matter how nicely you broach the subject, so don't expect the equivalent of who really shot JFK. That said, there are others they'd love to coach you about, such as how to tell if a woman finds you attractive.

I know this to be a fact because I asked once -- how could I know, that is, not whether any did or not. I'm only willing to risk so much self-esteem. What I learned may surprise you. Sure, there was the old, do her pupils dilate when she looks at you, but the problem with this is, the light might be bad and they'd be dilated anyway. Besides, it's more subtle than that.

For instance, when talking with two men, which one is a woman's body facing or at least angled towards? Whose posture is she mirroring? Looking closer, at which of the two do her eyes light up? These are unconscious cues that can speak volumes, especially if the other guy's one of the Backstreet Boys and you think you haven't got a chance.

On a more obvious note, does a woman go out of her way to speak to you? Is she easily drawn into conversation with lots of eye contact? This is no time to develop fumble fingers -- hang onto the ball for dear life and make up something to talk about if you have to. When you're wearing a jacket, does she pick lint from your shoulder or lapel and then smooth the fabric? See guys? Haven't I been telling you to wear sport coats?

The point is, become a student of women. Speak less and observe more. Learn the nuances of body language and conversational style, pay attention to detail. Don't be afraid to approach a mentoring type (moms don't count) and ask a few honest questions. Oh, and uh, one more thing: buy a decent sport jacket and whatever you do, don't leave it hanging in the closet.

(Creative commons image entitled "Hands" by michael.newman via Flickr)
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