Depending on the space we happen to be in, the heart's knowing can be a curse, a blessing, or none of the above. The hard part is getting our head into alignment with what we already sense, intuitively, to be true. This is precisely where I've been the past few days. Boards are looming on the 22nd and I've been trying to do what I usually do, namely, burn the candle at both ends without my fingers getting singed.
The trouble is, I don't think this strategy is working very well. I find myself distracted, my mind running off to medications, side effects, what ligament is attached where, while trying to say something meaningful about anything else. I suppose I could write about some of these things, but who besides a pharmacologist or medical student wants to hear about whether gentamicin binds to the 50s or 30s ribosomal subunit on a bacterium (it's the 30s, by the way)?
By my quick calculations, I can retrieve about 20 additional hours or so out of the next nine days for preparation if I absent myself from reporting here for duty each morning. The fact that I've delayed this decision so long is proof that the mind takes longer to wrap itself around necessity than does intuition.
So, if you will please forgive me, I'm going to be here, in my study, but not here, until the morning of the 23rd. I hate to do this, but it seems like the best thing, not only for the sake of my quality of writing, but in order to get to the next phase of my education, i.e. clinical rotations. If I had a Zen master, s/he would probably say, this is all part of learning to practice the art of medical school.
I hope you understand and will comeback on the 23rd -- I promise to make notes of topic ideas while studying and have some good things "on paper" then.
Thanks so much,
Beggar
(Creative Commons image by Rickydavid via Flickr)
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